I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
