i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
