thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
