Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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