so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
