he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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