Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
