no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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