Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
