Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am one with the molecules
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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