Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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