And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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