I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
