In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
