im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
