why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
