I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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