Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
