Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
