weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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