Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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