at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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