Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
