my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will be naked everywhere
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
