guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
