Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
