So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
