the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
