I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
