Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
