I think i peed on brittanys purse
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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