I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
