Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
