I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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