at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
