We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
