at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
