I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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