mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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