Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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