turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
