y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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