I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
