If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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