Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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