you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
