In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
