what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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