So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
These tits shall not be calmed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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