I just pynch a tree in the face
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
