did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
