puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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