I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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