she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
