So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
